There’s a meme going around that’s a list of notes children have written, mostly when they are angry. They include things like this child, refusing to have a good day,
and this one, an apology that would make Bob Knight proud: 
It reminded me of a college friend, who shared a treasure her mom gave her for high school graduation: a collection of angry notes she had thrown out from under her bed at her parents. Hers said things like, “You hurt my ears and you hurt my feelings.” and “I hate Mommy and Daddy and I’m mad,” but they were all signed, “I love you Mommy and Daddy, love,” and then her name. Like this letter:
Alongside a genius sense of comic timing, these kids have a grasp of an essential truth: we can be angry and still love someone. The idea that you can simultaneously be so furious you want to scream, and love that person madly is confusing! Frequently, our brains want to simplify, so they leave off half of the equation. Either they tell us we don’t love that person, or they tell us that the anger is unreasonable. Both of those responses are potentially crazy-making. How tragic it would be to throw away a long-term relationship because of one afternoon of anger, yet ignoring anger can lead to toxic resentment.
The paradox of being angry while still loving is one of the hardest truths to grasp, as parents, as friends and as life partners. Many of us grew up believing that anger equaled catastrophe. We witnessed adults do gymnastics in order to avoid expressing anger, or we were taught that it is never acceptable, or safe, to be angry at your caregivers. We repeat these patterns as parents. We tell our kids they are being too sensitive and there’s no reason to be angry, or we storm off and isolate our kids when they express their anger. Sometimes we respond with terrifying anger of our own.
The next time you are dealing with an angry child, try letting go of the idea that you need to help fix the feeling. Instead, try to just be present. Sit quietly, do deep breathing to calm yourself, and reflect back. “Wow. Your face is scrunched up and red. You really didn’t like it when I said we had to leave.” Then resist the urge to defend yourself– none of the “but we had to leave, it was time.” Just stop after you reflect. Sit close.
Why? The act of sitting close, of remaining present for your child during an angry time helps your child assimilate her anger in a way that supports emotional intelligence. You are teaching your child that love is stronger than anger, and that you are strong enough to help your child with huge emotions. Frequently, after a big angry outburst, your child may need to cry. You can be there to help them make sense of those emotions like regret, sadness and confusion as well.
It is unlikely that you will need to correct your child’s behavior with this approach. If allowed enough space, time and reflection, the child is likely to recognize the hurts that have happened as a result of his behavior and want to make amends on his own. At that point, you can offer up ways to make things right, whether through apology, repairs or learning new skills to manage the situation differently next time around.
When you resist your child’s anger, you miss an opportunity to develop deeper, lasting emotional intelligence. You also miss a chance to model unconditional love and acceptance. This is not to say that we teach our kids that inappropriately expressing anger is okay, rather we are supporting them in reaching that conclusion all on their own. You aren’t sitting with their anger and giving into whatever demands they may be making– you are simply sitting with their anger.